National Adoption Week
This National Adoption Week we sat down with mum Sarah* to hear her family’s inspiring story.
Finding our family
Sarah and her husband Ben* adopted their twin girls 7 years ago and have been living together as a happy family ever since. Reflecting on the beginning of their adoption journey, Sarah said:
“I met Ben later in life. It was the first time I’d ever thought I would like to have children. It would be a lie to say that I didn’t doubt myself in the beginning. I hadn’t had much experience with children but my husband and I knew there was something missing in our lives and that we wanted to have a family together. We attended a sibling’s exchange day, and when we saw the girls, it was just instant. It may sound cliché, but I remember us both thinking, ‘these are our girls!’”
“The idea of twins hadn’t really entered our minds, but it’s strange how fate goes— my husband and I both have twins in our families! On the day the girls came home, we were all very nervous but it was lovely to see how excited they were. But on that very first night, one of our little ones just broke down. It was heart-breaking. It’s hard to imagine how it must have felt to them—their entire lives had suddenly changed again in one afternoon. I look back now, and I think, wow! They were so brave.”
Settling in at school
As the girls settled into their new home, it was time for them to start at a new school. Sarah said:
“We went through the process of adoption with the same social worker, who was amazing. She was instrumental in helping us understand the girls and their behaviours and was also involved in helping them to find their footing at their new school.
When they first entered foster care, despite being incredibly unsure of the world they won the hearts of everyone they met. Unfortunately, due to their early years and not attending educational settings they didn’t know how to write their names or count like other children similar to their age, this had also impacted their emotional and social skills.”
“Their primary school was fantastic, immediately identifying that the girls needed personalised educational support plans. They went into school happy almost every single day, and their mental health was very well looked after. I believe that every child who has been through fostering and adoption should have an educational healthcare plan by default, to support them to succeed.
Twins, but different
Being in a school environment which understands their individual needs has really helped Sarah’s daughters to achieve their best. Providing the girls with individualised care in all aspects of their lives is so important. Sarah said:
“Our girls have gone through exactly the same experiences and have the same DNA, but they are so different— not only in their personalities, but in how they’ve reacted to their early childhood experiences. They were a bit older when they became part of our family, so they can remember some parts of their life before, and they live with a lot of traumas from that time. Their trauma shows its self in different ways; for example, they can both be very anxious but over completely different things and how they handle this anxiety is often very different.
“One way we’ve seen huge improvements in the girls’ mental health is when we introduced a new member of the family. Our lovely cockapoo, who dotes on the girls and the girls absolutely adore him. Having him has especially helped the confidence of one of my daughters who can be very shy in public, but when he is with us, he gives her an outlet to express herself.”
Healing together
With Sarah and Ben’s loving guidance and dedicated care, their daughters are healing and growing by the day.
“During a school project, the girls were asked to outline what makes them special. One of my daughters answered: ‘My family, and my wonderful dog.’ My other daughter answered: ‘I am adopted, and that makes me special.’ Which is just the most amazing thing to hear.”
“I believe that the girls feel very secure with our love. They’re becoming more resilient and more mature day by day. Even though we have our bumps in the road it is wonderful to watch them grow and succeed.”
Choosing AFA
We asked Sarah how her experience of adoption has been overall, and what advice she would give to people who are considering adoption.
“I have had a very positive experience with AFA, thanks to our daughters’ supportive foster carers and all of the support that we have received. There’s an extremely challenging side to becoming an adoptive parent, and it’s not something you take on lightly, but it is the most rewarding experience.”
“I’ve lived this entire journey from the start with my heart on my sleeve. If I were to give any advice to potential adoptive parents, it would be, please don’t rule yourself out. I would have missed out on such a wonderful future if I’d let my self-doubt win.
*Names have been changed for privacy reasons